Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
