Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
