Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
