I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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