so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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