She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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