You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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