Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
