guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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