How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
