PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
