I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
