The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
