I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
