Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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