You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
