I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
