I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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