Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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