We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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