i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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