summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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