the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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