I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
