So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
