Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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