The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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