if you like me you must not know who I am
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
