there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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