Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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This is the high leading the old right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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