My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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