How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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