it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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