I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
