I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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