I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
