so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
