I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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