Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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