I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize