just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
