grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
