I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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