Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
