All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
