Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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