I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
