Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
FUCK WHALES
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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