where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
