I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
