I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
