Taylor Swift is so right about you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
