Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
