Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
