I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
