I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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