So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize