No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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