Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
