Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
