Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
