i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
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Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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