U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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