Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
